


Icha Icha Jashin

by Katiyae



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Jashinism, i don't even know what i'm doing it's 3am
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 19:02:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6532453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiyae/pseuds/Katiyae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She'd thought, as most intrepid travellers do, that the world of ninja and kunoichi across the seas would be glamorous. <br/>Fraught with danger, naturally, but exciting. </p><p>She didn't account for a man who hid what wasn't covered by the mask with a paperback of Icha Icha or a religious fanatic content to sit by and watch the world bubble up in a hellstorm of blood.<br/>And that was before she'd even really thought about career goals for the next ten years or whether she'd like to migrate to the sand</p>
            </blockquote>





	Icha Icha Jashin

She was running.

Bare feet slapping against the wasted mulch of a forest floor that she didn’t recognize.

Maybe that was all part of it; maybe she wasn’t meant to recognize it because it was only in her head.

But maybe it wasn’t, and so she kept running.

Her chakra levels were low; too low for her to do anything about – too low for her to turn and fight even if she’d wanted to confront the enemy she’d left in the clearing. But with the nature of her enemy she wasn't even quite sure whether he was actually there or further on, waiting in the darkness of the overhanging foliage.

A gash on her forehead twanged in protest – or maybe it was an echo of the pain in her calves or the peel of a stitch rippling across her abdomen.

Really, she ought to have been better prepared than this, but this world was so utterly and incomprehensibly foreign to her that it was a miracle she’d made it this far. A miracle that she hadn't caught one of the viruses Tsunade hummed happily about or been mauled by the local wildlife. Naturally, that included Naruto.

And really, she ought to have not even set foot on that godforsaken boat, because it was a really _fucking terrible idea_ to traipse across countries and nations in search of one singular person that might not have even been there. Not to mention the seasickness.

And even if she had found him, what then?

The slick of mud against her inner calf startled her from her thoughts, cold and wet, and she cursed, low and hard under her breath. The whole venture in itself was miserable, and she was struggling to find the exact reasons for what'd started off as a delightful little jaunt across the sea. Beneath the mud, a twig raked across her leg and she swore again, louder and harder. She'd never been one for subtlety, so she wasn't even sure why she'd set about this path.

Her mother had always reprimanded her language; her stupid mother who’d encouraged the whole voyage to begin with.

Powers like hers were unheard of where she’d come from, and the land she’d come to was meant to offer some aid in regards to her frequent freak-outs.

Her father had had the same powers, apparently, but her mother didn’t speak about him and she’d only ever been able to get a name and a vague direction out of the woman who’d raised her.

So much for the bonds of familial love.

Something about Kakashi, and really – she was thinking, as she spiraled out onto a larger plain _oh god not the open_ – having met him, he could go and suck it.

“Dead.” It was before she’d even had time to process the thought that a silver streak darted down trees – who could even move that fast it was practically _unreal_ – and butted her in the back of the head with two fingers.

She stumbled to a halt, not helped by the slight momentum that the fingers had provided.

And by halt, it was more of a hands and knees in the damp, pre-dusk grass.

Another curse, this one explicitly pointed at Kakashi and his mother.

The ninja dogs had to be for a reason – birds of a feather stuck together.

She rolled onto her butt in an attempt to stand, but found her knees sorely lacking in any weight-bearing capacity so glanced up instead, splaying her fingers to cover the light of the setting sun.

“Where did you go wrong?” From the one exposed eye, he looked almost bored, the cover of the latest _Icha Icha_ cracked and a singular bell dangling from his hip like a fucking dare.

Muddied hands that she barely recognized raked through thick, uncooperative waves of a similar color, tugging them back from her face.

_Trusting in his goddamned teaching capability; that was where._

“Moving into the open..?” It wasn’t like she actually wanted to sound the odd mixture between simply _done_ and breathless, but her body forced the words out anyways.

“No.” He snapped the book shut, sliding it into his pants – where on earth he bought trousers with such large pockets she simply didn’t understand. “Exposing yourself isn’t a good tactic for users like you; but your first mistake lay somewhere else.”

She tried not to roll her eyes; failed drastically and ended up doing so anyways.

“You went wrong when you decided to go trundling into the woods like a wounded ogre.” The one eye she could see arched into a happy little rainbow of shit-eating mockery, and she rolled her eyes for the second time in as many minutes.

She leant forwards, hands finding her knees as she pushed up – because obviously her wounded ogre tactics weren’t going to cut it so something else was going to have to.  
“Kit.” It was a nickname she hated, and she glanced up from beneath haphazardly fallen locks.

“ _What_.” Less a question that a dare, but he’d respond anyways because she literally had nothing on him. And that wasn't even to speak of the lack of respect her tone presented, but he seemed to understand her quite well.

“You did well today, despite not landing a blow.” High praise from the copy-ninja of Konoha.

A title as bullshit as he was.

Ah well; maybe she could at least land some free ramen from the whole excursion – at least the food of this place agreed with her.

Time for her special technique; a secret jutsu perfected in the dark of her room once she'd dragged the curtains across and set up her full length mirror in the small space she'd been allocated.

“Hey.” She flipped dark hair back, making some attempt to look gainly. “Perhaps you and I could complete some… _special training_ someplace else, sometime later today…” She let the words hang in the air, all too aware of the vague coloring creeping up from beneath Kakashi’s mask. “… _Sensei_.”

He fumbled for a moment – she didn’t think she’d ever seen him look so awkward or even realized that it was possible – and the small patch of revealed skin flushed scarlet.

She knew learning a few key lines from some of the raunchier _Icha Icha_ books would go down a treat.

It was the only opening she was ever going to get, and so she leant in a little, all too aware of her copper eyes shining luminous and sanguine at him even as her fingers drifted across his combat vest.

Frankly it was a bloody marvel she’d been allowed this close-

And that was when her fingers closed on the bell and she yanked it free, crowing in triumph as she hoisted it aloft because in that moment she was a fucking goddess with a solid plan that had _actually worked_.

In front of her, Kakashi poofed.

A log collapsed from the cloud of smoke, the bell twisting into nothing more than a warped twig in her fingers.

She blanched for a moment as the shock settled inside her.

The resulting curse word yelled sent birds reeling into the sky, and somewhere, Kakashi's singular revealed eye quirked into a happy little rainbow of shit-eating amusement.

**Author's Note:**

> So for all of you who're confused, please don't worry  
> I am too.
> 
> I've had one hell of a hiatus from writing, so I suppose this is my return to the big bad abyss of fandoms that swallow your soul and turn you into a machine desperately pumping out another chapter.
> 
> But happy thoughts; Idek where I'm going with the final ship - but then it is 3am so can you blame me.  
> Personally I think the tags speak for themselves.


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